Wedding Vendor Stress
For those of you who are in the beginning stages of planning your wedding, I’m writing this post especially for you! I’m sure that you would love to save yourself stress wherever possible
For those of you who are in the beginning stages of planning your wedding, I’m writing this post especially for you! I’m sure that you would love to save yourself stress wherever possible as you prepare for marriage and I have some key tips to achieve that goal.
A major point of stress that I see pop up for many couples is centered around their wedding vendors. There are fears of vendors not coming through for them, lack of communication coming from vendors, and miscommunications. Much of this can be saved early on in the process of planning by ensuring that you truly feel comfortable with your potential vendors before you sign a contract and pay a deposit.
How to hire a vendor that you can trust:
Schedule a phone call or in person meeting before hiring - ask questions about how they work, what they value or dislike about weddings, vendors that they like to work with etc. This will give you a good feel for personality/your comfort level with them as well as alert you to whether they tend to gossip or complain about their work.
Only hire vendors who will put the agreement in writing. Either the contract or the invoice should detail the scope of services (hours of service and/or products included). It is also best to have cancellation and rescheduling terms detailed as well.
Don’t hire vendors based on price! Too many couples hire vendors who are lowest cost despite reservations about how they feel about the vendor’s work or personality. It’s also a mistake to hire a vendor who is pricier based on the assumption that you are receiving the best service. Your best gauge is your gut feeling about the vendor.
Communicate your desires and vision as thoroughly as possible with your potential vendors before hiring them to give them a chance to redirect you to a vendor who would better be able to serve you.
Check out reviews for your potential vendors and pay attention to what is noted specifically in those reviews for points that align with your values.
Once you’ve hired your vendors, remember to trust the professionals. As a bride/groom planning your wedding, it can be very easy to get in your own head about the details. When you’ve done the research before hiring, you’ve set yourself up with professionals who can be your most helpful asset in developing your vision and bringing it to reality. Since vendors work many weddings every season, they will be able to give you valuable input that will make your planning much easier. Giving them space to truly serve you will allow them to fulfill their job and will provide you with the value that you paid for!
In our “Plan Like a Pro” wedding planning course, we’ve included a guide and templates for hiring vendors. It starts with thorough communication and knowing the right questions to ask. Find our course here!
Coty & Mike - Ithaca Farm Wedding
Coty and Mike very intentionally focused their attention on soaking in every moment of their day as it happened, choosing to “stage” as little as possible and instead appreciate the spontaneous moments that occurred.
I love when my couples choose to stray a little from the beaten path of wedding trends and traditions. Coty and Mike very intentionally chose to take their wedding in a direction that allowed them both the ability to relax and prioritize their values as a couple. They chose Gratitude and Grace in Ithaca as their venue, a laid back farm setting where they were able to spend the whole weekend with family. Sustainability was key to them so they commissioned Skyvanah to design their florals and decor aesthetic with that in mind. Most of the florals (including Coty’s bouquet) were either dried, potted, or reusable in some way. The centerpiece and aisle plants doubled as guest favors while other pieces were designated for repurposing as statement decor in their new home. As we began planning their wedding, they made it very clear that they welcomed spontaneous “imperfect” wedding moments and that they wanted to stage as few moments as possible. This decision allowed them and everyone around them to truly relax and celebrate!
Wedding Vendors:
Venue: Gratitude and Grace
Photography: Megan Dailor Photography
Floral Design: Skyvanah
Catering: Dinosaur Barbecue
Bakery: Scratch Bakeshop
Rehearsal Dinner: Ba-Li Cravings
Rentals: McCarthy Tents & Events
Planning & Coordination: Radiant Events
The #1 Step in Wedding Planning
The purpose of this initial conversation that starts the dreaming about wedding plans is not to determine specifics of aesthetic or menu choices but to simply create the initial framework so that you know which direction you’re going with the wedding. From this point, it’s vital
On this cozy rainy fall day, I’ve lit my candle and poured my coffee to sit down with you and discuss the most important step in planning your wedding. Wedding planning has a bad reputation for being stressful, full of drama and a time to spend more money than you dreamed possible. It gets this bad name from a lack of appropriate preparation and a lack of practical information. So let’s talk about preparing yourselves so that you’ll be the anomaly to the stress filled norm.
You need to create the framework before you begin planning. I can’t stress this enough. So many couples start implementing plans and hiring vendors before they have the framework of their wedding vision in place. The framework includes the information on budget (of course!), the general guest count, and the “feel” or “atmosphere” that you envision for the day. This all starts with simply discussing your preferences and even what you didn’t like in weddings that you’ve attended in the past.
Some questions to start the conversation:
Do you like being the center of attention and being surrounded by a crowd or do you prefer celebrating alone or with your nearest and dearest?
Are you a couple with champagne taste or do you like keeping things more simple and basic?
Are you paying for the wedding yourselves? If so, how much money are you comfortable with dedicating to the wedding?
The purpose of this initial conversation that starts the dreaming about wedding plans is not to determine specifics of aesthetic or menu choices but to simply create the initial framework so that you know which direction you’re going with the wedding. From this point, it’s vital to start your research. Research what wedding vendors cost on average in the region of your wedding. This gives you the chance to reevaluate your budget and determine whether you want to eliminate and redirect spending. It’s absolutely necessary to research every vendor category before you hire any vendors! A common wedding stress occurs when you start spending and then count the cost and realize that you’ve spent in areas that don’t mean as much to you.
When your preliminary research is done, it’s time to start compiling your list of potential wedding vendors. You can find 5 practical steps to guide you through the vendor hiring process here. Don’t be afraid to reevaluate often as you plan and pieces are put into place. This will give you the peace of mind that plans and finances are on track as you go. You can be the couple that is relaxed and excited throughout your wedding planning instead of stressed and anxious!
Kate & Dylan - Keuka Lake Intimate Wedding
This summer is the story of intimate weddings, elopements, and many plans being changed. Kate & Dylan’s story is one of planning their dream wedding for over a year to discovering that their venue was unable to host their wedding just weeks
This summer is the story of intimate weddings, elopements, and many plans being changed. Kate & Dylan’s story is one of planning their dream wedding for over a year to discovering that their venue was unable to host their wedding just weeks before the wedding date. At this point they contacted me as they were working on redirecting their plans towards a second option. With ever changing wedding restrictions due to Covid-19, the second plan just didn’t feel right for them. With just 3-4 weeks left before the wedding, they chose to get married at their family cottage on Keuka Lake. I know this wasn’t the dream that they had had throughout the time that they had been planning and dreaming but the day that they had was so lovely and intimate and genuine that it felt truly complete. Despite the grief of dreams and plans being dashed, I’m seeing such a beautiful resilience shine through with my couples this year. Their dedication to their marriage and the value that they approach it with under challenging circumstances is apparent. Kate & Dylan, I wish you the very best in your marriage!
Wedding Vendors:
Photographer/Videographer: Wonder in Adagio
Planning: Radiant Events
Floral Designer: Foote Floral Design
Catering: Lake Country Catering
Cake: Simple Sweets Bakery
Bridal Dress: Ever After Bridal
Styling: Bridal Biz Beauty
DJ: Don and Moon DJ Duo
Ceremony Musicians: Silver Arrow Band
We Did an Elopement Styled Shoot!
Your marriage should be celebrated instead of cancelled or postponed!
Hey there!
On an evening a few weeks ago we got a few local wedding vendors together to collaborate on a bridal styled shoot to promote our brand new elopement service. These last few months have genuinely been so hard and I don’t think I realized how much I missed designing and creating and working with other creative wedding professionals until I had the chance to design this shoot.
We designed this elopement service/mini wedding package originally to provide a solution for couples who weren’t able to host their full wedding as planned. Since many couples have become so burnt out on planning with their weddings being cancelled or postponed, we wanted to create an option that would allow them to just show up and be cared for so we assembled a team of vendors and went to work.
Venue: The Esperanza View
Photogapher: Joe Hy Photography
Videographer: Optimum Videography
Beauty: Carrie McCourt
Design: Radiant Events
4 Tips for Dealing with Wedding Advice
Weddings are an exciting time! As a bride and groom-to-be, you will find yourself a magnet for opinions on how your wedding should be planned. This most often comes from
Weddings are an exciting time! As a bride and groom-to-be, you will find yourself a magnet for opinions on how your wedding should be planned. This most often comes from immediate family and friends who are excited for you. In past decades, tradition determined the planning from the wording on the invitation to the style of dinner that was served. More recently, the freedom to create a wedding day that reflects the personality of the couple has become more accepted. Despite this shift, you’ll likely still hear input on “how things should be done.”
You and your fiancé are the two people whose tastes and preferences matter most, but since there will be other opinions to work through, here are some courtesy tips to employ:
Start by defining your boundaries early in the process of planning your wedding. Use wording like “[Fiance] and I have chosen xyz…” Be confident yet kind.
Communicate. When it comes to questioning your choices, respectfully communicate why you are choosing the particular path in question.
Remember that those who are financially invested will likely expect to be consulted on decisions. I highly recommend that your financial contributors give a specific dollar amount towards the total wedding budget rather than “sponsoring” a budget category to avoid conflict over specific details.
Find the points that you’re comfortable with delegating. Often, I find that loved ones simply want to be part of the process. One of the best ways to allow them this honor is to assign a specific detail to them. This could be something simple like giving them the job of ordering/creating/setting up favors or hospitality baskets in the restrooms. (I don’t recommend assigning aspects of the planning to multiple parties since that can easily become a source of cross communication and confusion.)
Remember, you and your fiancé will set the tone for the planning process and the wedding day. Your initiative in making decisions calmly and definitively will allow those around you to relax and celebrate with you instead of feeling the need to make it happen themselves. Most of all, remember to enjoy the fun of planning and celebrating!
Wedding Day Survival Kit
The key to any great event is preparation. You can relax in knowing that you have what you need and hopefully a little more..
Ok, so I know that title makes it sound like a wedding day is on par with being out in the wilderness…thankfully that’s not the case…unless, of course, you choose to get married in the wilderness. In that case, a completely different kit would be required! Over the past few years, I’ve curated the items in my “emergency kit” to items that are used most and I’ve added items that I wished that I’d had. You won’t be out in the wilderness, but you will have the peace of mind in knowing that you’re ready for the little needs that arise.
Items that I recommend having in every wedding kit:
Ginger tea (can be helpful with upset stomach or congestion)
and of course…Tissue packs
Extra makeup for touch ups throughout the day.
If any part of your day is outside, including photos, you’ll want to include Umbrellas. These ones are pretty and will look great in photos! Clear nail polish is useful for stopping runs in hosiery if you are choosing to wear pantyhose. Hand warmers are essential for warding off frostbite at winter weddings!
Best wishes as you prepare for a beautiful day!
Ria
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You Need to Dream
Every great wedding starts with a great plan and every great plan starts with productive dreaming. You may have already picked up some ideas for your wedding day as you’ve attended weddings or browsed Pinterest, but one of the first steps
Every great wedding starts with a great plan and every great plan starts with productive dreaming. You may have already picked up some ideas for your wedding day as you’ve attended weddings or browsed Pinterest, but one of the first steps that you should take before beginning your wedding planning is to sit down with your fiancé and write these ideas down. As you write, highlight them in order of importance to you. If you have different opinions on a certain point, discuss why you feel the way you do about it and how you can reach a compromise that will satisfy both parties. When my husband, Joe, and I were planning our wedding, one of my first bridal meltdowns was over the issue of having a seating chart or not. I had strategized for years for a solution where we wouldn’t need to have a seating chart while creating a comfortable social atmosphere for our guests. When Joe questioned this point based on traditional norm, I had to find a way to explain clearly why this was so important to me and how it could work to our advantage.
To give you a starting point for this conversation, a few of the key points to discuss are: setting, atmosphere, and style. These points tie in with each other and will help inform strategy for planning the wedding. Please note that this discussion isn’t for the purpose of setting anything in stone, but is rather a brainstorming session to give yourselves and your planning team a direction to begin planning the wedding.
Setting: Do you envision an indoor or outdoor wedding? Outdoor weddings will include tented and completely outdoor settings in woods, vineyards, meadows, gardens etc. Indoor options can range from churches to barns and ballrooms to warehouses. Key factors in this part of the conversation are: your willingness to create a contingency plan for any outdoor option as well as whether having a climate controlled setting is important for you. Here in New York, weather is always a question regardless of season so a contingency plan is a must unless the entire event will be held indoors. Even in indoor settings like a barn, you’ll want to research how well ventilated the space is as well as the accessibility of heating and cooling options.
Atmosphere: Atmosphere is a point that bridges between setting and style. The atmosphere includes aesthetic design and it also encompasses elements such as entertainment and any specific customs you would like to include. Questions to ask each other here are: “Are there any cultural or religious traditions that you’d like to honor in some way during the day?” “Do you see us celebrating with a party heavy atmosphere or would you lean towards a more social and conversational atmosphere?”
Style: As I mentioned, style ties in with atmosphere and the setting of your wedding. Some describing words that you could use to define your ideal day are: elegant, casual, sophisticated, relaxed, adult only, family friendly, traditional, off beat, party etc. These words are not exclusive of each other although one predominant theme will emerge as you continue to discuss your considerations for the day. One of the most important factors to discuss here is the size of your wedding. Would you like to celebrate with hundreds of friends and family or does the idea of an intimate gathering of a few of your closest people appeal to you?
As you start dreaming about your wedding, have fun with learning and making decisions together. Your wedding marks the beginning of your marriage and the planning will provide you with plenty of practice in learning more in depth what your individual preferences are and how you process through decision making. As long as you approach it with honesty and plenty of flexibility, it will be a great experience instead of following the stress filled stories that people love to tell about wedding planning.
8 Questions That Every Engaged Couple Needs to Ask
Planning your wedding is great practice for marriage! Since there will be decisions that you won’t agree on
1. Who will make the final call on a decision when we don’t agree?
Planning your wedding is great practice for marriage! Since there will be decisions that you won’t agree on, save yourselves some stress by assigning who gets to make the final call in those (few) scenarios.
2. What are our individual priorities for the wedding day?
Take some time at the beginning of your engagement to sit down and discuss the priorities that each of you have for the wedding. This will help inform where you allocate budget monies and will help you better understand each other throughout the process of decision making. Examples of these priorities may be details like a song that you’ve always dreamed of walking down the aisle to, or your fiancé may prioritize having a band instead of a DJ.
3. Who will we consult for input on decisions?
This is an important point. You will be offered unsolicited input from many sources, but you will need to determine and agree on who you trust to give the most reliable advice.
4. How much, if any, are we willing to spend over our budget?
Unless you have allowed yourself some wiggle room in your budget categories as well as a cushion to absorb miscellaneous costs that come up, this question will likely arise. You may decide that the budget is a hard budget, but it is important as a couple to make sure that you’re on the same page with this.
5. Who will we assign as our wedding day contact people?
I’m referring to your personal “buffers” here. One of the best ways to save yourself stress on the wedding day is to take a break from your phone. It’s important to have someone (like your maid of honor) assigned to be your contact person for the day. Choose someone who will understand which questions are truly vital to pass on to you and which ones are better answered by the coordinator or another party.
6. Who will we trust to coordinate our wedding?
This question is already answered if you have hired a wedding planner for coordination services. However, if that spot is still open, you’ll need to determine whether you choose to go with a professional or a competent friend. An important point to note is that a venue coordinator does not provide the same services as a planner or “day of” coordinator. The venue coordinator is there to host you and your guests and make sure that communication happens with the venue’s staff. A planner/day-of coordinator will coordinate the entire day even if there are separate ceremony and reception venues. They will handle communication with all of your vendors as well as your family and guests.
7. What details are necessary to communicate to our vendors?
Pay close attention to the information that vendors request from you as you hire them. They will let you know when the deadlines are scheduled for the information that they need. If you are planning anything non-traditional or anything that a vendor may not expect, be sure to let them know in advance so that they will be prepared to accommodate you.
8. What type of dessert will we serve?
Ok, but really…there are so many wonderful choices from cakes to frostings to pastries to chocolate fondue. Don’t rush this decision!
Remember that as a couple, planning your wedding is a team effort. You will likely have a few different priorities and that’s ok. The key is to communicate with each other and find creative ways to incorporate and weave both of your desires together.
Essential Steps for Hiring Your Wedding Vendors
Let’s talk a little about commitment…the commitments you’ll be making with your wedding vendors. One of the chief sources of stress in wedding planning happens
Let’s talk a little about commitment…the commitments you’ll be making with your wedding vendors. One of the chief sources of stress in wedding planning happens within the hiring of and relationship with vendors. Weddings are a significant investment regardless of your budget. Most couples make price the only deciding factor in their vendor choices rather than first considering the vendor’s quality of service. All too often, this is a decision that is later regretted after the deposit is paid or it’s too late to cancel a contract and hire another vendor. My husband and I decided to cut a couple of corners financially in our wedding planning and we later regretted it. From one bride to another, do yourself a favor and make sure that you’re actually confident with the vendors that you’re choosing before considering their prices!
I’ve created the following steps for your vendor hiring process. They will help you choose vendors efficiently, and that you’re truly happy with.
Research: Peruse their websites and social media feeds for visuals of their past work. Find and read reviews, paying close attention to insight on their customer service, communication, and reliability.
Reach out: Make a list of your top five vendors in each category based on visual representation of their work and consistency in reviews. Call them to request a meeting in person or over video call. If you are not able to reach them with a call, follow up with an email. The purpose of your video or in person meeting is to get acquainted with them, get a sense of how well your personality meshes with them, and ask them questions about how they work. If you like what you’re hearing and feeling, ask about their availability and pricing.
Narrow down your contenders: Sit down with your fiancé and discuss how you are feeling with each vendor and determine who you’d like to sign a contract with.
Book: The best vendors book quickly. So once you have your choice made, reach out to them for the contract and lock them in as soon as possible. When this process is delayed, it often leads to having to start at square one all over again!
Follow up: This is a courtesy step for the vendors that you choose to not hire. Let them know that you’ve chosen a different vendor and thank them for their time. This will save you the frustration of extra emails and messages to deal with as they go through their follow up process.
Communicate: As wedding plans become finalized, let your vendors know of any changes that take place in the plans so that they are well prepared and best able to serve you.
As you follow these steps and book your vendors, remember that if something is important enough for you to include in your wedding, it is important to do it well!
Photo credit: Rob Hickey Photography
What You Need to Know Before Shopping
You probably can’t help but be a little excited at the thought of shopping for your wedding dress even if you aren’t a fashionista. Just one year ago,
You probably can’t help but be a little excited at the thought of shopping for your wedding dress even if you aren’t a fashionista. Just one year ago, I was in the middle of my own decision making with my wedding dress. Instead of shopping though, I decided to design and sew my dress. The process was not without its drama and moments of doubt as I sewed and tore it apart somewhere around 6 times. My mom eventually threatened to send it home with my maid of honor until the wedding unless I agreed not to touch it anymore.
Since I didn’t have the first hand experience as a bride shopping for the dress, I reached out to Sarah Ashworth from the local Rochester, NY bridal boutique Heart to Heart Bride for her thoughts on creating a successful and pleasant shopping experience.
What is helpful for a bride to know before scheduling an appointment?
“Before brides schedule their dress appointment we would love for them to know how magical dress shopping is! The only thing you can compare finding your wedding dress to is finding your fiance. It may sound cheesy but there are so many comparisons! It usually happens when you least expect it and in ways that you don't expect it to happen and it really is so much more of an emotional feeling than a logical decision. For that reason, we always suggest that brides only shop for their wedding dress when they are truly ready, both financially and emotionally, to say yes to their dress!”
How would you advise a bride to prepare financially for her visit?
“Know your budget and do your research on which local stores fit your budget! Our Webster location, Heart to Heart Bride serves brides in the $1,200 to $3,000 price range and our Manchester location, Two Hearts Bridal, serves brides in the $499-$1,499 price range. There are stores in Rochester that start around $2,500 so you want to call around and ask questions before you book an appointment and make sure the store is a good fit to meet your needs. You also want to know what the store requires as a down payment and what forms of payment they accept. If someone else is paying for your dress, make sure this information is relayed to them so they are prepared when you say yes!”
How many members of the "entourage" would you advise a bride to bring?
“As few as possible!!!!! It is really hard for brides to understand until they do it just how overwhelming all of the opinions can be. But, you do need to bring anyone with you that you absolutely need by your side to say yes (for example, if you need your mom with you to say yes, DON'T GO SHOPPING WITHOUT MOM!). You also don't necessarily need every single one of your bridesmaids, Aunts and cousins etc. Just those closest to you who truly have your best interests at heart!”
Additional advice:
“-Keep an open mind! You never know what you will truly like in a wedding dress until you try it on. Trust the experts and try on our suggestions :) Kind of like finding your fiance, sometimes you have a list of the things you want in your future husband and that list gets thrown out when you find the perfect person and he becomes the list! Finding your dress can be so similar to that! So often brides end up with a dress they didn't expect at all.
-Read reviews!
-Research the different experiences at each store. Think about whether or not you would prefer a one-on-one experience, a private experience, a lively Saturday experience, a more laid-back self-serve experience etc. and book your appointment at the appropriate store at the appropriate day and time. At our Webster location we do one-on-one appointments and at our Manchester location is it more laid-back, more self-serve and we do take walk-ins.
-Book one appointment at a time! Going to 3 appointments in one day is exhausting and overwhelming. Do your research, find the store that you believe is the best fit, and see how it goes! There is no magical number of stores to visit. You could find your dress on the very first dress and how amazing would that be?!”
As with any part of planning your wedding, I believe it’s important to take the pressure off and allow yourself to experience rather than just check another box off on the checklist. Surround yourself with those who know you well and will support you and bring out your best decision making. Trust your gut and your professionals!
Photo credit: Melody Lane Photos
Amanda & John's Syracuse Area Wedding
Amanda and John chose The Orchards at Rocking Horse Farm as their wedding venue. Although a rustic farm venue, the barn was built as a wedding venue as opposed to transitioning from an animal home to venue. Since this was the purpose from the ground up
The Venue
Amanda and John chose The Orchards at Rocking Horse Farm as their wedding venue. Although a rustic farm venue, the barn was built as a wedding venue as opposed to transitioning from an animal home to venue. Since this was the purpose from the ground up, attention to the details that make a venue work is obvious through the placement of electrical access, the getting ready room, the built in restrooms etc. Outside the large barn doors is the outdoor ceremony space which faces a meadow and the hill beyond, providing the space with a feeling of privacy.
The Coordination
Our involvement in this wedding was for day of coordination. There were some last minute details to set up on the day of the wedding so we arrived in plenty of time to accomplish that and greet and provide direction to the vendors, family members, and bridal party as they arrived. It was a crisp (meaning one of those first chilly days where you’re completely unprepared for how cold it is) fall day so the patio heaters and hot coffee were an absolute must!
Wedding Vendors
Venue: The Orchards Barn
Caterer: Dinosaur BBQ
Cake/Desserts: Harrison Bakery
Coordination: Radiant Events
Photography: Angela Doll Photography
